i want to go to beach!
Today I learned a very important lesson. Well I in fact learned a few. However, the most important lesson of all is not to take an autistic child to the beach. At least not my autistic child with his lack of fear and swimming skills. He would have swam out to Catalina if I hadn’t grabbed him in time. Poor Jaiden, I feel so bad for him. He is son young and has a sweet innocence. A fearlessness that only an autistic child could ever have. It must be incredible to be in his world. To see everything for the first time and to not have the word ‘impossible’ ever enter your...
Read MoreBirthday Boy Adventures
The past few days I have been in California. I’m here to visit my boys and to celebrate Tristian’s birthday. So far everything has been wonderful. The flight was a bit more shaky than I would have liked, but I landed safely. That is the important thing. Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday I spent with my mother. We took he old car out to Temecula for some casino time and awesome pizza. It’s been so long since we’ve had the opportunity to have some mother-son bonding time so it was good to come out here and have some. Sunday night I went over to Di’s new place...
Read Moreunzombie
creativity often comes from feelings. in order to express yourself through art – whatever the media may be – you have to feel. inspiration, passion, and the transcendence of your higher self all require your heart to bleed. the blood needs to course out of your veins and into your art. it is a channeling of your soul – or spirit. call it however you like; it is that intangible, unidentifiable, and elusive inner spark that creates a masterpiece of our feelings for all to see. it is impossible to create without feelings. for a long time, my feelings were dead. for all intents...
Read Morethree words to rule them all
i don’t say ‘i love you’ to make someone hurt, to alienate or to cause a general feeling of awkwardness. i say ‘i love you’ because in my heart i feel it. because not saying it, hurts worse than anything that could be ever imagined. like cupid’s arrow piercing my heart feels much like a real arrow. the pain courses throughout my body in convulsions and with convoluted thoughts clouded and clustered about my brain. a pain like thousand tiny pin pricks and sword slashes upon my naked flesh. Oh blighted heart, why must you torture me so? i clear away the...
Read MoreAngry With Myself
I awoke this morning with feelings of anger towards myself. Angry that I had fallen victim to despair over the past year. Angry that I haven’t moved on in affairs of the heart. Angry that I hurt those that I love. Angry that I was too late. I hope I can forgive myself and learn from my errors. I want to be a better person. I want to be me. I know that I am me. More so now than I have been for quite some time. Unfortunately, it took a bit of a trauma to restart my emotional self. Trauma that I hope to recover from. I just don’t think it was worth the loss. The price was too...
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