stream of conscience

You’re My Best Friend

Posted by Tracy on May 9, 2012 in music, stream of conscience

For my best friend in honor of her impending birthday. Many happy returns on your birthday! may you have many more beautiful ones to come.

Ev’ry Time We Say Goodbye

Posted by Tracy on Apr 16, 2012 in music, stream of conscience

Woman and Children First

Posted by Tracy on Apr 11, 2012 in stream of conscience

I have been home now for three days. So much has changed and so much is just not right. The dread of work has been nothing like the reality. Indeed it is much worse than I expected. I thought I would walk into a pile of things to do, of which I have, but to walk into the literal Titanic monstrosity that is the sinking ship of work was beyond my comprehension. I had not anticipated the horrors of having even more of my staff either leave or be fired. All the twisted machinations of one un-named individual with the unbeknownst blessing of the owners will invariably sink the company. I have no...

Dear John…

Posted by Tracy on Apr 8, 2012 in stream of conscience

I am getting ready for my flight – for which I am already terrified – and I get a “Dear John” letter. I have friends who are so happy for me to see my kids, excited that I am coming back and can’t wait to see me, but I have someone who doesn’t want to see me any more. I miss my kids. I miss my mom. I want my bed and my cat. 8 hours of flying ahead of me. ~adieu

Last Day

Posted by Tracy on Apr 7, 2012 in stream of conscience

Today was my last day with my kids. It is so sad. I am glad that I took the entire week off rather than just the normal weekend visit. I am, however, saddened that it is over and I shan’t be seeing them any time soon. After two long years without seeing them, I feel more distant from them. They are growing up too fast for me to catch up. I have lost their youth. My own fault really and I have no one else to blame. I pity myself and that is wrong. I need to stop. Tristian’s familiar laughs and smiles were contrasted by Jaiden’s soft tender voice. Oh, Jaiden may not have...

i want to go to beach!

Posted by Tracy on Apr 5, 2012 in stream of conscience

Today I learned a very important lesson. Well I in fact learned a few. However, the most important lesson of all is not to take an autistic child to the beach. At least not my autistic child with his lack of fear and swimming skills. He would have swam out to Catalina if I hadn’t grabbed him in time. Poor Jaiden, I feel so bad for him. He is son young and has a sweet innocence. A fearlessness that only an autistic child could ever have. It must be incredible to be in his world. To see everything for the first time and to not have the word ‘impossible’ ever enter your...